What I learned in bed…with Hannah Wydeven

By Hannah Wydeven

Dear Hannah,
Everything with my boyfriend is great, except for one important thing. I’ve gone down on him numerous times and he hasn’t gone down on me once. While I don’t want to make him do something he may not be comfortable with, I think it’s time for this to happen. How can I get what I want? Unfulfilled Urges

Have you ever asked your boyfriend to go down on you? If you’re not being direct with him about what you want, then he will never know. Don’t be afraid to ask him because you don’t want to make him do something he is not comfortable with. If he is comfortable putting his penis in your mouth, he damn well better be comfortable going down on you! If he likes you, he should want to pleasure you.

Next time the two of you are getting hot and heavy, ask him to try going down on you. He might be nervous because he is not orally experienced, so be gentle with him the first time. Let him know what makes you feel good and be encouraging.

If you ask him to go down on you and he says no, then either stop going down on him or dump him. You shouldn’t be in a relationship that isn’t mutual. If he refuses to give you oral loving, then he has some sort of misogynistic vagina fear that you don’t have to deal with. Cut him loose and move on.

Dear Hannah,
I recently saw an erotic movie where a woman had sex with a horse. I’ve also heard stories/myths about “frustrated” women having intercourse with their pets. Is it true that sex with animals can be enjoyable? Are there dangers involved? Would you recommend going for it?

Curious Labrador Owner

I’m going to be honest with you CLO, I am disgusted by the idea of bestiality, and I have never heard an argument for it that I agree with. No matter what kinds of justification people give to their animal love, in the end there is no possibility for consent, which is why it is always wrong.

It is illegal in the U.S. to have sex with an animal, so even watching bestiality porn is encouraging the continuation of that illegal activity. More importantly, as a pet owner, you are given charge of taking care and guarding your animal from pain or danger; by violating them you are neglecting your responsibility. If you penetrate an animal, your actions are considered animal abuse, and you can go to jail.

Even if the animal is the one performing the penetrative act, it is still not acceptable. Some scholars have argued that it is not animal abuse if the animal is a willing participant in the act. However, because the animal is not sapient and doesn’t have the ability to communicate its needs with us, there is absolutely no possibility for consent. The value of consent between people is unquestioned, and we should have that same regard for animals. Even if your dog starts to hump your leg or seems interested in initiating a sexual act with you, there is no defined way to understand when an animal is being sexually exploited because we can’t speak to them.

Even if you don’t agree that the animal is being subjected to abuse, more often than not the person participating is. Bestiality porn is mostly based on male voyeurism with a woman as the receiver of sex from an animal. The focus is inherently on the pleasure of the voyeur instead of the woman involved, as well as the dominance of an animal over her body. Whether we like it or not, we are part of a Judeo-Christian society that views sex with an animal as the ultimate degradation of human dignity. Thereby, subjecting women to this abuses that dignity.

Also, animals can pass diseases to humans and put people at a greater risk for things like worms, fleas, ticks, scabies and various viruses and zoonoses (according to the Center for Disease Control). You also run the risk of being bitten, or Substantiating serious damage to your internal organs. Whether they’re urban myths or not, stories of perforated colons from penetration by a horse are based on truth. People have different anatomies than animals, and there are physical consequences to having sex with them.

Bestiality is not healthy for the person or the animal involved, and I definitely would not tell you to go for it, CLO. Quite the opposite. Not only does sex with animals raise questions of abuse, it fosters unhealthy attitudes and perspectives about sex and dominance and can damage opportunities for genuine human relationships.

Instead of thinking about copulating with your dog, I recommend you ask someone on a date, or get a vibrator.