What I Learned in Bed with Hannah Wydeven

By Hannah Wydeven

Dear Hannah,
I have been making out with this guy and I think we are going to go to the next step. I have never given a hand job or a blow job, so I am a little ignorant about how it’s done. What is the best practice for when a guy cums? I don’t know who else to ask!
Newbie in Need

Communication is the most important thing in every sexual relationship, so be honest with your partner about your lack of experience. Especially when it comes to first sexual experiences, you and your boy will both be happier if you can talk about it before. When you’re giving your boyfriend a hand job, he will know what to do when he is ready to orgasm, and will likely take the reins once he gets there. That way, you won’t have to worry about trying to figure out what to do with his semen. If you are too nervous to bring it up, then keep some Kleenex handy. If you are giving your guy a blow job, you have several options for when the time comes. People like to boil it down to “spit or swallow”, but that assumes that you want semen in your mouth to begin with. If you would rather not have your boyfriend’s man-juice in your mouth, tell him, and he should be more than happy to pull out and take care of that business himself. Just be sure you tell him before you start getting into it.

Dear Hannah,
Butt licking. Why do people do it? How do people do it? I have been with the same partner for a while and we have done everything imaginable, plus a few, BUT, we have never done any licking of butts. We have talked about it ourselves, but we want your esteemed advice. Thanks!
Potential Brown-Nosed Bob

Although butt-licking is a very accurate description of the process, anal play with the tongue is actually called analingus-or more casually, “rimming.” People participate in analingus for the same reason they participate in any other sexual activity, because it feels good. Your anus is surrounded by bundles of nerves that can set you off, especially when in contact with another sensitive, erotic part of your body, like the tongue. Anal play in any form also stimulates the pelvic muscles, which contract during an orgasm. So, rimming can be a great way to give your partner a new and exciting form of sexy pleasure.

Analingus can also be very symbolic about your relationship with someone else or with your own body. Americans are often nervous about their own butt-holes, and tend to think of them as a place on their body that they are not entirely comfortable with. The same goes for each others’ butt-holes. So, by embracing your partners not-so-loved part, you are showing them that you accept and desire all parts of their body-and that can be very liberating for both of you.

To make your first rimming experience everything you want it to be, there are some things you need to do. First, make sure that you are squeaky clean down there before you do anything-fecal matter can hold a lot of bacteria, and you don’t want to take any unnecessary risks. Besides, getting clean can be fun! Try taking a shower together; warm water will make you fresh, and it will loosen you up for the adventure ahead.

No matter how clean you are before you play, you still have the risk of contracting an STI or bacteria from your partner during analingus, so remember to be safe. Use a dental dam (free from Health and Wellness!) or cut a condom and unroll it to act as a barrier. Put a bit of lube on the side of the dental dam in contact with your partners anus, and get down to business.

Once you’re clean and protected, the actual act of rimming can be done in any way you want. If you aren’t sure where to start, try some familiar positions like hands and knees, or lying down on your stomach. If you want to you can also stand up, or for a bigger challenge, sixty-nine. Then, use your tongue and lips and explore! There are literally hundreds of websites that give you very in-depth tips on rimming, but I recommend trying it yourself and seeing what works for you.

Since you’re both analingus virgins, remember to take it slow and communicate about what you’re doing. Don’t just dive right in there; make sure that every move you make is comfortable for both you and your partner. It sounds like the two of you have opened your lines of communication about sexuality, so keep them open.