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The Mac Weekly

The Student News Site of Macalester College

The Mac Weekly

The Student News Site of Macalester College

The Mac Weekly

What I learned in bed with Hannah Wydeven

By Hannah Wydeven

Dear Hannah,
How soon is too soon for going all the way? How do you strike the balance between letting someone know you’re into them, without being too forward or easy?
Lonely in the LibraryEveryone has their own standards for determining the best time to get it on with someone new, LIL. Some people wait a long time; some people have sex after the first date. It all depends on how you feel. The important thing is that you feel safe and comfortable with the person you are doing naughty things with. You also need to take into account the signals your partner is giving you. If they are hesitant to do anything in bed, don’t push it. You can gauge what your partner wants by their body signals or by flat out asking them.

As long as you feel safe and you’re being safe, there is no such thing as too soon. If the person you hook up with thinks you’re being “easy” by sleeping with them right away, then forget ’em- they are a hypocrite and not worth your time. You have every right to do what you want with your body, and that includes how often you have sex. You’re not “easy” for satisfying your libido, as long as you’re not ignoring your emotional needs in the process.

There is also no such thing as waiting too long. You should never feel pressured to have sex with someone just because you are being intimate. If you have any doubt about them or the situation, that’s enough of a reason not to do it. There are plenty of motivations to wait before you have sex with someone, and that’s a choice your partners have to respect.

Either way, you are who you are LIL, and if you are a forward person, there is no reason to hide it. If you are interested in someone, you should show it in whatever way you like best. If that means holding their hand and whispering sweet nothings, then go for it. If it means tying them to the bed posts and having sex all night, then more power to you.

Dear Hannah,
I just started hooking up with this guy and we recently decided to take it to the next level. It was the third hookup in a row and everything was going perfectly, but when I tried to take his shirt off, he pushed my hands away. He honestly took all of his clothes off, except the shirt. He kept pushing my hands away and kissing me to avoid it. The sex was decent, save the cloth between us. What should I do?
Shirtless in St. Paul

Unless one of his friends drew a giant penis on his chest with permanent marker while he was passed out, it sounds like your new boy has some self esteem issues, SSP. He is clearly uncomfortable with whatever business he has got going on under his shirt, and by pushing your hands away, he was trying to communicate that to you. You should try talking to him about it when you’re not two minutes away from having sex. Next time you are alone together, gently ask him why he’s so uncomfortable baring it all in front of you.

Make it clear that you’re not going to judge his body or criticize whatever faults he is hiding. You’ve already had sex, so it’s likely that whatever he’s got under there isn’t going to completely turn you off to him. Make him feel comfortable with you and he will be more at ease exposing himself. Just be prepared for whatever, SSP, and show him that you are sincere about accepting what he has to offer.

No matter what’s there-a third nipple, enlarged breasts, stretch marks, scars or just some fat-embrace him for it. You could also be open with him about your own insecurities and body issues. Once you both acknowledge that no body is perfect, sexy times between the two of you will hopefully become more than just decent. The less self-conscious both of you are, the more fun and explosive the sex will be.

If he still won’t strip for you, you should consider how much effort you actually want to put into this problem. If you think the relationship has potential, forget about the shirt thing for now and see where it goes. You can always bring it up later when the two of you are more comfortable with each others’ bodies. Those issues could be a sign of something deeper that you probably don’t want to get wrapped up in. If you don’t have much invested in this guy, then dump him. You don’t need to be responsible for solving anyone else’s body issues; that’s something he is going to have to work out on his own.

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    Madeleine BellSep 7, 2019 at 1:06 pm

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