By Hannah Wydeven

Dear Hannah,
How much sex is too much sex? Is it even possible to have too much sex? Where is the line drawn between being just plain frisky and actual sex addiction/nymphomania?
Curious About CoitusNymphomania is actually just a made up disease designed to make women feel bad for having a lot of sex. There is no actual scientific or medical way of defining nymphomania, because there is no definition of “too much sex”. That term is something men call women in order to cover their own sexual inadequacies. The idea of being oversexed is entirely based on societal pressures and norms, and has very little merit in the scientific sense.

There is such a thing as sexual addiction though, which is defined based on behaviors, not necessarily quantity of sex. A person who is considered sex addicted is someone who is obsessed with sex or pornography, and doesn’t generally get satisfaction from having it. Generally sex addicts make dangerous sexual choices without concern for consequences. Other symptoms of sex addiction are compulsive masturbation, use of prostitutes, exhibitionism, obsessive dating, numerous affairs and voyeurism. Sex addicts also tend to feel out of control in these behaviors, and have no restraint in fulfilling their need for sex. (Discovery Health, the Cleveland Clinic Department of Psychiatry and Psychology)

Aside from full blown sex addiction, there is no defined limit to how much sex is considered healthy. I personally think it’s important to have at least three orgasms per week (no partner necessary!) in order to maintain sanity. Anything above that is just a bonus. As long as you are always safe and protect yourself from STI’s and pregnancy, and your sexual appetite doesn’t become compulsive or interfere with other parts of your life, then you are free to have as much wild sex as your little heart desires.

Dear Hannah,
I just got out of a really messy break-up with a serious boyfriend. I am now really turned-off by the idea of a relationship, but I still have a vigorous sexual appetite that I need to feed. At such a small school, how does one initiate a good one-night stand and avoid an awkward encounter in the days following?
Hungry for Sex

If you have a one-night stand with someone you have never met before or know nothing about, then there isn’t usually an expectation that anything is going to develop as a result of your sexual exploit. At Macalester, it is hard to find someone you have never met before or know nothing about. Likely you have mutual friends with almost everyone on campus, which makes anonymity almost impossible. As a result there are some expectations that come along with one-night stands.

There are several ways you could initiate a one-night stand. Either you could go to a party and seek the most available candidate, or you could premeditate it with a few friends. Sometimes a one-night stand will happen accidentally, and surprise you the next morning, but more often than not it takes a little planning. Be strategic about who you choose, because you don’t want to wake up the next morning with static cling sleeping next to you. Some people on campus have a reputation for partaking in one-night affairs on a regular basis; these are good targets if you are looking for an easy lay. Keep an eye out for anyone fresh out of a relationship like yourself; these people are equally lonely, desperate, and looking for quick satisfaction. Do not ever choose someone who you have had feelings for, have feelings for, or vice-versa, that is a mess you don’t want. Also not a good idea to choose someone you have class with.

Once you choose your target, make yourself available to them and commence wooing. I encourage any strategies as long as they don’t involve drugging, physical force or manipulation. Be honest during your one-night stand or it will come back to bite you in the ass. Make sure to ask the important questions, like “Have you been tested?” and “Do you have a condom?” The next morning make it clear that lingering is not an option, and head out the door/send them on their way as soon as possible. If neither of you asks for a phone number, you’re on the same page and your one-night stand was successful. But, if your fling suggests seeing you again, you need to be honest and let them know you’re not interested in anything more than a single venture.

The best way to avoid awkwardness is just to not be awkward, a concept that I know is challenging to grasp. When you walk by the person you had you’re sexy night with, don’t run and hide in the library until they pass, or get quiet and look anywhere but at them. Just say, “Hey, how are you?” and move on with your life. Also, be aware that it is almost guaranteed that everyone you know will find out about your little tryst, so be prepared to field nosey questions from friends.

One-night stands sound like a better idea than they actually are. The possible problems are numerous, the chance of STI transmission high, and secrecy is almost non-existent. I suggest rather than a one-nighter, look for a reliable buddy who will frequent your bed no strings attached.