Senior Spotlight

By Stefan Deeran

Aaron Hawkins has just lost 40 pounds and gotten engaged. With a baby due next month and a new film opening next week in New York and LA, the Spotlight crew conversed under the rafters of Olin Rice.

Stefan Deeran: Okay, let’s hear the basics first. Your majors?

Aaron Hawkins: Chemistry and religious studies.

SD: So when does life begin?

AH: Life began for me at 6:30 this morning, but I think it’s considerably later for most people around here.

SD: Do you have any advice for the children now that you have achieved Senior superiority?

AH: Don’t forget to give yourself vacation days, and when

you do skip make sure you have fun and not do homework. The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

SD: You are stuck on a desert island. Whom would you bring?

AH: Einstein, the Buddhist philosopher Nargarjuna and Miyamoto Musashi.

SD: Are they dead or alive?

AH: They are all pretty dead, but they belong to my elite club of ninja scholar saints. Einstein to chat about science and Nargarjuna to teach me crazy yoga skills and Mushasi to make me one with my sword.

SD: You’re all about the personal development. Enlighten us.

AH: Your mind is connected to body through the central nervous system. Every thought is an electrical impulse that travels from head to toe and you are quite literally a bold of lightening encased within a thin membrane of flesh. So your mind is a blade- you can trim yourself to any shape you see fit.

SD: As a religious studies major, do you find yourself losing faith in science?

AH: Yo, I don’t know, the thing is, it’s hard to say succinctly…because it [science] doesn’t leave any room for creative or subversive politics. Science assumes you leave your morals and values at the door. If you wanna work in science today you have to accept certain-[Aaron takes a second to help another student with his homework.] Science is a very expensive venture and as such the people in this country with money dictate the kind of science that will be pursued. That’s why we have so many pharmaceutical drugs and smart bombs. So I don’t think I can work for that team.

SD: So do you believe in chemical imbalances in the brain?

AH: To a degree, but I believe there are many aspects of our lives that contribute to mental illness. As long as we are eating McDonalds and watching Fox Network, it’s no surprise that we lose track of our personal path.

SD: Who would win in a celebrity death match? The Scientologists or the Kaballahists?

AH: I would throw my cards on the Kabballahists, cause I’d love to see the Scientologists get creamed.

SD: You are from Kentucky. How can abstinence-only education prevent cousin marriage?

AH: By providing strong incentives in the form of homemade spirits or chewing tobacco.

SD: How can the Mac community increase tolerance for the young men and women defending freedom in Iraq?

AH: Well I live with a bunch of radicals who subvert me daily. I spend every day trying to Christianize, just do what I do, bring- (Seeing Aaron was uncomfortable potentially offending the Christians, radicals and Iraqis, I let this question die.)

AH: God bless you, Stefan.

SD: Why do you hate The Facebook?

AH: Because it makes me feel like the Ludite that I am. I swear one of these days I’ll get a cell phone though. I’m really close to caving in. Maybe next year.

SD: You lived in Belgium. Tell me you favorite memory?

AH: Finally realizing beer was a beverage I highly enjoyed as long as it didn’t come in varieties that are watered-down piss like Budweiser. Living in a country that’s next door to the most progressive nation in the world where I was only a two-hour train ride from coffee shops and bicycle rides.

SD: You are into urban exploration. How can one get into this at Mac?

AH: I’ve always got caught on Olin Rice. The best exploration around is by far the multistory adventure house that is Ramsey Junior High.

SD: Should the U.S. split into the United States of Canada and Jesusland?

AH: Jesus told me just last weekend that it was never part of His plan to have a country of fiery zealots rampaging in His name. You might be surprised to hear that but its true-I’m a Religious Studies major.

SD: What skills have you acquired after four years at Mac?

AH: I can climb trees, do handstands and play a little bit of African music. The rest is all irrelevant.

SD: Any final words for Macalester?

AH: As a shameless plug, I can’t think of them right now, but if you come next Saturday, the 10th, at 8 P.M. to the African Musical Ensemble concert, I’ll share the wisdom.