Put On Your Pajamas

By Taylor Uggla

Have you ever grown uncomfortably warm on a balmy summer night and decided to strip down to your birthday suit? Perhaps you’ve never worn pajamas at all. Regardless, you had better think twice the next time you decide to strip down for the evening—in Minnesota it is illegal to sleep in the nude. Read on for more interesting laws from the land of 10,000 lakes—some are easily accessible while others remain more obscure, but all are guaranteed to tickle that funny bone.

For example, it is prohibited to cross state lines with a duck on top of your head, and under no circumstances may you enter Wisconsin with a chicken on the same spot. This may provide problems for the creative hat wearer, but sometimes we just have to live and let live.
Be careful about those masks as well. According to the 2006 Minnesota Statutes, “a person whose identity is concealed…in a public place by means of a robe, mask, or other disguise, unless based on religious beliefs, or incidental to amusement, entertainment, protection from weather, or medical treatment, is guilty of a misdemeanor.” In other words, if you’re dressed as Groucho Marx for pure malice, take your thick black moustache and run for the hills. And ladies, don’t even think about dressing as Old St. Nick—you might go to jail for thirty days.

Many of the more ridiculous laws have to do with animals—for example, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish. Dead ones seem to be within the boundaries, and women can feel free to do whatever they please. Don’t go teasing a skunk, though—in Minnesota it’s against the law, no matter how funny you think it smells. The only semi-agreeable law is the one that makes mosquitoes a public nuisance. It’s so refreshing to know that legislators find them irritating.
Now to move on to some laws that concern us city-dwellers a bit more. Plan on joining the chain gang if you ever get caught double parking. This law seems somewhat archaic, especially since Minnesota does not enforce this type of prison labor, but some laws stay around despite the times. For example, street car drivers are allowed to arrest drunken passengers, regardless of the fact that street cars went out years ago. You’re also not supposed to drive down Lake Street in a red car.

So, the next time you’re complaining about the drinking age or the fact that you have to go outside to smoke, think of these unbelievable laws. Apparently they’re still in the books. I will conclude with a message for the men on campus: if the lady in your life keeps bugging you about that beard, move to Brainerd—you have to grow one there.