Hey Mac: Itƒ?TMs time to learn how to Jigalo

By Jeff Herbst

Comrades, there is something wrong in the grandstands. We have arrived at soccer games unified in goal, but our efforts are disjointed and lacking effect. Sobriety has never been our strength as fans, but in years past we still cheered and jeered in unison. We, the students, had one voice that dominated and belittled our opponents, their fans, and the referees. This season we are ready, we are loud, but our efforts are not concerted.

To reconcile these fractures, I am sharing my knowledge of the cheering tradition at Macalester. This is by no means the canon of cheer, but I will explain proper etiquette of cheering and traditions from years past.

My first point about leading a cheer, especially if it’s your first time, is that it should not be done impulsively. First, make sure you have the phrases right. Don’t be afraid to ask one of your elders, our moving on is inevitable and we are eager to pass on traditions. NOTHING is worse than a cheer led incorrectly. Next, as you sit in preparation, don’t worry if you get nervous and your heart starts racing a little, this is a good sign that you are showing the cheer proper respect. Then, at the opportune moment stand up and yell at the top of your lungs. Don’t worry if your voice cracks, it happens to the best of us. This is your moment of glory, embrace it. At the end of the cheer it is important to remember that leading a cheer is not like being on TRL: do not finish with a “Woo”. Others may do so in response to your cheer, and you can always add, “We love you Dark Goat!” if it’s appropriate, but the “Woo” is classless.

A few sidebars: If a cheer was just led within five minutes or so, hold off for a little while. Your chance to lead it will come later, I promise. If the pressure of leading a cheer is too much, it is okay to lead a cheer with a friend. If you are leading a most epic cheer you may prime it with the silent cheer to help get the crowds attention. But, do not abuse the silent cheer, it can be overdone too.
I am passing the torch to you, bright stars of the future. Remember, leading cheers is a privilege and it takes proper respect for the tradition. As you prepare to inspire our warriors on the field and assert Macalester’s devil worshiping ways, take a couple pulls of the Captain, fill your Nalgene with Carlo, and be ready to leave your voice in the stands.

Cheers:
1: Macalester!
2: Macalester!
1: Is Wonderful!
2: Is Wonderful!
All: Macalester is wonderful,
I want to be in that number,
Macalester is wonderful, GO MAC!
1: Oh when the Scots!
2: Oh when the Scots!
1: Go marching in!
2: Go marching in!
All: When the Scots go marching in,
I want to be in that number,
when the Scots go marching in, GO MAC!
1: Drink Blood!
2: Smoke Crack!
1: Worship Satan!
2: Go Mac!
All: We love you Dark Goat!
1: D!
2: Fence!
1: Dark!
2: Goat!
All: We love you Dark Goat!
1: Give me a S! E! X!
2: S! E! X!
1: What’s that spell?
2: SCORE!
1: Give me a O! R! G! Y!
2: O! R! G! Y!
1: What’s that spell?
2: TEAMWORK!
1: Give me a S! &! M!
2: S! &! M!
1: What’s that spell?
2: DOMINATION!
1: Give me a C! O! N! D! O! M!
2: C! O! N! D! O! M!
1: What’s that spell?
2: DEFENSE!
If I had the wings a sparrow,
If I had the arse of a crow,
I’d fly over ________ tomorrow,
And shite on the bastards below!
Shite on, shite on, shite on the bastards below! (below!)
Shite on, shite on, shite on the bastards below!
(to the tune of “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean”)
We’ll be running around ________ with our willies hanging out (2x)
We’ll be running around ________ (2x)
We’ll be running around ________ with our willies hanging out.

Singing my willie’s bigger than yours (2x)
Singing my willie’s bigger (2x)
Singing my willie’s bigger than yours!
(to the tune of “She’ll be Coming Around the Mountain)
Score in a minute, we’re gonna score in a minute (2x)
Score in a brothel, you couldn’t score in a brothel (2x)
(to the tune of Guantanamera)
If you can’t be a Scot, be a _______. (2x)
If your SATs are low and your reading’s kinda slow
If you can’t be a Scot, be a _______!
(to the tune of “If You’re Happy and You Know It”)
1: Hey Mac!
2: Hey What?
1: Hey Mac!
2: Hey What?
1: Do it!
2: Do what?
1: The Jig!
2: What Jig?
1: The Jigalo!
All: My hands up high, my feet down low, this is the way we Jigalo!
Jig-a-lo, Jig-Jig-a-lo (2x)
Blue and orange! (2x)
Our colors are, there are no words that rhyme with orange!
GO MAC!
Hark, when the night is falling
Hear, hear the pipes are calling
Loudly and proudly calling
Down through the Glen.

There where the hills are sleeping
Now feel the blood a-leaping
High as the spirits of the old highland men.

Towering in gallant fame
Scotland my mountain hame
High may your proud standards gloriously wave.

Land of my high endeavor
Land of the shining river
Land of my heart forever
Scotland the brave!
1: Macalester’s the besticle!
2: Punch em’ in the testicle!
Train, train choo choo train,
Our team’s gonna win this game,
Woo woo! Woo woo!
Cheers for heckling the referee:
The referee’s a wanker! (clap 6x)
Who’s your father? (2x)
Who’s your father referee?
You don’t have one, you’re a bastard!
Who’s your father referee?
(to the tune of “Clementine”)
Who ate all the pies? (2x)
That fat bastard! (2x)
He ate all the pies!
Nuts and Bolts! (2x)
We got screwed!
Get of your knees ref!
You’re blowing the game!