By Dani Heinemeyer

Taco Bell, Wendyƒ?TMs, McDonaldƒ?TMs ƒ?” while some Mac students might be grossed out by fast food, Dani Heinemeyer shares her true love with the college.

It happens to everyone: It’s 2 a.m., you’re hungry, and you have $1.93 in your pocket. So what do you do? You find a friend with a car and head to Taco Bell (also known as the Mexican food industry’s “heaven on earth”). $1.93 will buy you not one, but two bean burritos, and, if you’re me, a free side of nachos. Oh, the perks of being a Spice Up the Night Club member.

Then it happens. Just as you’re about to tear into your fifth Beef Supreme Chalupa, a fellow Macalesterite slides you the “I’m horribly disgusted with your eating habits” look. On our politically and health conscious campus, being a fast food lover isn’t easy. That’s why we must band together to embrace our gluttonous, budget-friendly lifestyles. Below, I give merit to four of Saint Paul’s most popular fast food destinations:

1. Taco Bell

Taco Bell, affectionately known as “TBell,” or “The Bell,” is the most glorious dining establishment of them all. Lovingly situated on Snelling, just north of University, it provides late night dining until 3 a.m. It also offers an array of delicious menu items at extremely affordable prices, such as the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, the Chalupa, the bean burrito, and the Nachos Bell Grande (a personal favorite). What’s not to love? According to David Nifoussi ’07, “There’s nothing better than a 99 cent Double Decker Taco. Except maybe four 99 cent Double Decker Tacos.” And being a fellow Spice Up the Night Club member, he would know.

My friends and I frequent Taco Bell three to four times a week on average. Now if that sounds like a lot to you, then you just don’t understand the magnetism of cheaply made quasi-Mexican food. It also means that we will never be friends.

2. McDonald’s

I know, I know, McDonald’s is bad. Trust me, I have everything to hold against them, having worked there for three miserable years in high school. But for the sake of a good fast food article, let’s pretend they pulled a Taco Bell and agreed to pay their workers higher wages. Okay good.

The McDonald’s on University and Snelling is where it’s at. It’s open 24 hours and also boasts two drive-thru lanes (which actually doesn’t help the service one bit). It also has the best Dollar Menu of all time: a double cheeseburger, fries, and soda and you’ve got yourself a meal. This late night paradise is a favorite among Macalester fast food lovers. Just ask Alex Grant ’06 who said, “I like to consider myself a moral, rational, compassionate human being. But coming between me and the Dollar Menu is like going between a mother bear and her cubs. I will rip your throat out without a second thought.”

I can verify this information: I once brought him White Castle instead of McDonald’s, and he literally strangled me with the controller cord of his Super Nintendo until I agreed to buy him a parfait.

3. Wendy’s

Wendy’s, on University and Fairview, is where you go when the McDonald’s Dollar Menu just won’t cut it. It features a 99 cent menu, so hey, it’s even cheaper! Wendy’s is perfect for chicken nuggets, a bacon cheeseburger, and a Frosty. The 99 cent menu is also great when you’re in the mood for something healthy, so go ahead and treat yourself to a baked potato, salad, and chili. Manuela Insixiengmay ’06 goes to Wendy’s when she’s feeling depressed about her love life. “I eat one chicken nugget for every guy who has rejected me in the past week,” she claimed.

When I spoke with her, she had six empty five-piece nugget containers on her coffee table and barbeque sauce smeared all over her face. Yikes.

4. Kentucky Fried Chicken

Located off the beaten path on University and Lexington Parkway, this KFC is worth the extra drive when you’re in the mood for some home-style cooking. While the chicken is the Colonel’s own “original recipe,” people really go for the biscuits and mashed potatoes (and by people, I mostly mean me). Also, let’s not forget the gorge-worthy buffet during dinner hours. Jordan Bancroft ’06 said, “I consider the KFC buffet to be a challenge to eat my entire weight in pudding.” So far, though, he has only managed to eat 30 pounds in one sitting. How disappointing. Can you live up to the challenge?

P.S. If anyone wants to carpool to Taco Bell later, feel free to give me a call.

* I apologize to any White Castle, Arby’s, Dairy Queen, or Burger King lovers who were offended by their lack of mention in this article.

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