Faculty Candy-Corn Report

By Angela Whited

There are certain vital facts all self-respecting Macalester students must know, and one of them, perhaps the most important, is which faculty members offer the best trick-or-treating. For the general betterment of our community, The Mac Weekly has provided the following ranking of seven homes and the candy therein, on a 1-4 Candy Corn scale.

Paula Cooey, Religious Studies – 4 Candy Corns
The Cooeys get top marks for their Tootsie Roll-Sweet Tart medley, of which we received two handfuls each and an offer for a third. They invited us in to inspect our costumes, took our picture, and were the first on our long list to have their porch light on.

Jim and Joy Laine – 3 Candy Corns
Jim answered the door with a brimming bowl of Hershey’s, Kit Kats, Twix, and Rolos. A glorious mixture, but we only got one piece. He seemed suspicious. Yes, we are too old for this.

Carleton Macy, Music – 4 Candy Corns
At the Macy home we received 2 Crunch Bars a piece, a favorite here with The Mac Weekly trick-or-treaters, and the glory of seeing Carleton Macy in a tiger mask – the only staffer costume we saw all night.

Bill Moseley, Geography – 3 Candy Corns
Moseley was handing out Snickers and Reese’s Stix, though his bowl was running a little low, as a next-door-neighbor Matt Wells warned us on our way up to the house.
Toni Dorca, Hispanic Studies – 4 Candy Corns
The Dorca family had, by far, the most extensive selection of candy including Whoppers, Milk Duds, KitKats, Snickers, and Peanut M&Ms served up in a massive basket held by a mini-Dorca in a glorious Hawaiian-print shirt. We were told to help ourselves. Sweet.

Paul Dosh – 3 Candy Corns, 7 with the baby
The Doshes provided Tootsie Pops and Hershey bars, but we really didn’t care because their daughter is so damn cute. She kept smiling and laughing at us. They didn’t get four right off the bat only because she’d already taken off her buzzy bee costume. Actually, there is no scale for the Doshes. Ask Professor Dosh to see a picture of his daughter. She’s freakin’ adorable. Seriously.

Brian Rosenberg – 2 Candy Corns
While the candy was nice, including Starburst as well as Hershey bars and Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, and we all received two pieces, President Rosenberg’s wife didn’t think we were funny. Everybody else thought we were funny. It was a little anticlimactic. We were going to give them one Candy Corn, but we didn’t want to sound bitter that the Rosenbergs hadn’t kept up with their Summit Avenue Smiths by handing out three king-sized imported Milka bars.