These were collected anonymously from Black students at Macalester. This is our experience in the wake of the Derek Chauvin trial, Daunte Wright’s murder and Ma’Khia Bryant’s murder. 

1. “Emotionally and physically drained from putting in so much effort to state clearly, succinctly and to the greatest effect what my peers need to get to the end of the year and just seeing the school debilitate and demolish what I’ve been trying to say and do. Like I’m telling you the need, why are you ignoring me.”

– anonymous

2. “I’m afraid to go outside alone, even in broad daylight. I don’t know what to do, how to feel. i don’t want to go to class because i’m the only black student, and it feels like no one cares about me.”

–  Briah Cooley ’21

3. “‘Heartbroken’ would be one word to describe my feelings bc of the recent news out of Columbus, Ohio. I feel deflated and angry at the world because this keeps on happening, and there is something fundamentally wrong. I’m thinking ahead, and the question I keep asking myself is, “who’s next?” because it could be any one of us at this point.” 

– anonymous

4. “So many emotions. Heartbroken, exhausted, irritated, disappointed, hopeless. I have a really bitter taste in my mouth from ppl @Mac trying 2 paint the verdict as a fix to everything that’s going on…” 

– anonymous

5. “Feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and helpless.” 

– anonymous

6. “Exhausted and overwhelmed – there is this never-ending pile of things that need to be done and each action results in the sacrifice of something else” 

– anonymous

7. “I feel sadness, I feel anger and I feel like everything is being drained out of me.” 

– anonymous

8. “I feel like students, black students, have been speaking out so much and for so long, but it’s like we’re speaking to a brick wall. It feels like no matter what we say, we aren’t going to see any change from administration.” 

– anonymous

9. “like i’m chris in get out and mac is the white family” 

– anonymous

10. “exhausted. regretting my decision to attend here. ready to go home and be around people that care about my mental well-being” 

– anonymous

11. “I don’t feel better or lighter or relieved. I still have the same pit in my stomach from last summer and without radical change it’s not going to go away.” 

– anonymous

12. “I know in my heart this school believes that Black students were built to endure suffering. I know because I see through admins and the boards complete neglect towards Black students. You say you want to show your support, but you do the complete opposite because you believe Black students can handle it, they can take it, they are made to be in pain.” 

-Tokosang Lokule ’22

13. “I feel very drained.”

– anonymous

14. “i feel like i’ve been left out to fend for myself, by talking to professors, segueing with yt (white) students or comforting myself n my friends, i feel neglected n excluded from the comfort that mac has provided to its yt students.” 

– anonymous

15. “I’m fucking exhausted. While I spend every moment carrying the burden of this moment in history, and struggling to comprehend the world around me, my white peers are afforded the privilege of donating $15 to an organization and feeling as if they’ve positively contributed to ameliorating my damned destiny as black man in America.” 

– anonymous

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