I was offered this column as a joke. In the throes of a typical sexually-charged conversation with friends in high places on TMW (the News section), the die was cast: “you should write a sex advice column.” Wiping the eager foam from my mouth, I took full nepotistic advantage of my best friends’ editorial positions and accepted before they could withdraw the offer. Lo! My dream had come to fruition. Sexy Mac is back.
Before I start hounding the student body with requests for submissions, I think it’s only fair that I introduce myself. I’m a sophomore WGSS major, Hispanic studies minor and pre-med student originally from Albuquerque, New Mexico and I use she/her/hers. Now that I’ve covered the basics, let’s move on to the juicy details.

I’m a gender non-conforming/genderqueer/gender-non-believer queer human who can often be found occupying the arm of the most beautiful girl on campus and sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. I am a pro-sex feminist with a passion for romantic dramas, well-made horror movies, classic novels and other people’s secrets. For a fair amount of time in high school, I wanted to be a sexologist, but now I’ve found my passion in child psychiatry. I can’t wait to answer your sex questions, and I hope you’ll feel more comfortable asking now that you know a little about me. If you ever have comments, questions, concerns or expletives that you’d like to submit, don’t hesitate to follow the instructions at the end of the column. For now, here’s a little of what I’m thinking for the future.

Though I’m hoping to focus on reader questions as the basis for this feature, I’m sure there will be weeks where the submissions are lacking. In that case, this column will be a juicy smorgasbord of opinions, trivia and current events. For example, I plan to write about how people with prostates should be more open to experimenting with anal play, how fellatio (oral sex on penises) should not be considered part of the “standard sex package” when cunnilingus (oral sex on vaginas) is considered an extra-special bonus and how pornography can be viewed positively through a feminist lens.

I will write about the evolutionary explanation for why people with vaginas can often orgasm multiple times in a row, whereas people with penises can often orgasm only once before experiencing a refractory period. I will write about how there is evidence (based on limited research) that in the presence of multiple people’s ejaculate, the bodies of people with vaginas can select the most ideal sperm to fertilize the egg. I will write about the social constructs of monogamy, the crazy ways that patriarchal socialization affects people with vaginas’ sexualities and current political issues involving the policing of the bodies of those with uteruses.
I will write about the intersections of faith and sexuality, and how American politics turned into a sex-negative hole of ignorance. I may conduct interviews with students who wish to speak with me, either about polyamory or BDSM or heterosexual missionary intercourse, or even about politics or economics or other areas in which I am sorely lacking knowledge. I will cover new developments in the study of human sexuality, and will always provide sources for my information so that you can do more recreational research if you wish.

At the close of my first column, I will leave you with some promises. I promise to use non-gendered language at all times, defy heteronormativity and resist all forms of institutional oppression. I promise to answer your questions to the best of my ability, respond to your criticisms with my full conscience and respect our differences of opinion. I promise that all of the non-opined information I disseminate in my column will be factually correct and verifiable. I promise to treat all questions the same, from queries on kissing to the down-and-dirty on double brachioproctic insertion. I look forward to learning, growing and giggling along with you all. Go have an orgasm (or go eat some dark chocolate, if that’s more up your alley). XO.

Next week: why is it so much harder for people with vaginas to orgasm? Since when is fellatio standard beans? What is the deal with so many straight men’s aversion to cunnilingus? Why should you read Sex at Dawn even if you don’t care about the “prehistoric origins of modern sexuality”?

Questions? Comments? Insults? Email [email protected] or, for a more anonymous option, go to mailing services and SPO your question to box 764.