Charlie & Phineas’ second annual live MLB postseason preview

CS: Well, Mr. Phinny Cent, it’s that time of year, isn’t it. The greatest time of year. No, it’s not Bastille Day. It’s not “Dress like a French Exchange Student Day,” either. That’s right, Young Phin Dog, it’s playoff baseball time.

PR: Sure is, Chuck Swag.

CS: Well, before you pick the Washington Nationals (#Natitude) to win the whole shebang, let’s survey the field.

PR: I’m all about the Royals right now. Literally, right now at this moment, as we watch the Royals – Athletics play-in-game. They’re stealing more bases than a bank robber in a bank staffed by docile kittens.

CS: Zing. The first set-in-stone AL Series is the Baltimore Orioles vs. the Detroit Tigers. This should be a DOOZY. And not in the sleepy kind of way. The Tigers have some great starting pitching with an atrocious bullpen (and laughable bullpen management). I’m not quite as sold on the Orioles’ starting pitching, but their bullpen is consistent. What to think about this young padawan?

PR: Well, the Orioles kind of have to win, you know, to set up the #BELTWAYSERIES. But in all seriousness, I like the Tigers because they have Miguel Cabrera (#gettinmiggywithit) and Victor Martinez. Their top two starters, David Price and Max Scherzer, are pretty intimidating. Throw Anibal Sanchez in out of the bullpen and the O’s are in trouble.

CS: True, but the Orioles can also rake (as in hit for all the newbs).

PR: I miss Manny Machado (stud third baseman who is out for the year). But yes, they can hit for power and it’s actually pretty impressive how deep their lineup is.

CS: Yeah, I think Adam Jones and Nick Markakis could give the Tigers some trouble.

CS: Baltimore in 5.

PR: Detroit in 5 (but I want to be wrong).

CS: Let’s switch leagues here and discuss the St. Louis Cardinals and Los Angeles Dodgers. I really dislike the Dodgers, but I do like two of their players, Yasiel Puig (#Lemon4lyfe) and Juan Uribe, member of the 2005 World Series Champion White Sox. I think both players will perform well. That being said, the Cardinals are the Cardinals. They win in October and always seem to find a way against the teams that played better than them in the regular season.

PR: Let me just preface this by saying I highly dislike both of these teams, and want neither of them to win. With that in mind, the Dodgers have Clayton Kershaw (the best pitcher in baseball by every statistical measure), which thereby precludes them from being swept. The Cardinals have…well, honestly I don’t know who they have. But that is the point of the Cardinals. You never know who their players are but then they come through in the clutch. And you’re like…who the f— is Pete Kozma?

CS: True. And for that reason I’m going to pick the Cardinals. They have a manager who makes good decisions. The Dodgers’ manager (Don Mattingly) is slimy and the combination of being a former Yankee and current manager of a team in LA is just too much to handle.

CS: Cards in 4.

PR: Dodgers in 4 (just to be a contrarian).

CS: ALERT ALERT. As we are writing this piece, the Royals’ Salvador Perez just hit a walk-off single in the 12th inning against the Oakland A’s in one of the most amazing baseball games I have ever watched. From the start of the game, I decided that the winner of this game would go on to beat the LA Angels.

PR: I called it. Well, I called Perez hitting a game-winning home run. But a single does the trick.

CS: Truly amazing game. They stole seven bases tonight. They have some serious speed.

PR: Nobody saw them coming. The Royals, that is. You won’t see them hit too many home runs, but they are a crafty team with a pretty terrible but still lovable manager (Ned Yost) who loves the bunt. He will probably call a bunt on the first pitch of the opening game. They have a few solid starting pitchers (James Shields, Danny Duffy and Yordano Ventura) that nobody who only casually follows baseball will probably know. Their hitting is suspect, but they manufacture runs like no other.

CS: I will be rooting for them. Yordano and Duffy are super exciting and their bullpen spits hot fire: Wade Davis, Brandon Finnegan (who I am older than) and Greg Holland are only part of it. Their whole line-up from top to bottom is okay. Anyone can step up on any night. I think Alex Gordon is going to have a big postseason.

PR: We should probably talk about the Angels. They have Mike Trout (probably the best player in baseball), Albert Pujols (definitely the best hitter in baseball for most of the 2000s), and Josh Hamilton (who has been alternatively great and terrible throughout his career, but has looked pretty good this season). So, yeah, they can hit.

CS: I’m really worried about their starting pitching. They have had some injuries hit them at the wrong time, but their bullpen has been stellar all season. If their back of the rotation starters can go five or six innings and keep the game close then the Angels should be strong. But I’m not sure that will happen.

CS: Royals in 5.

PR: Angels in 4 (I’m usually terrible at predicting these things, so I am predicting the teams I don’t want to win).

PR: Chuck, I’m glad we’re saving the best for last. This is the easiest one to predict.

CS: Let me cut you off there. The Giants have about a snowball’s chance in Guam to win one game against the Nationals.

PR: This Nationals team is going to be the crowning achievement of D.C. sports for decades. Better, even, I dare proclaim, than the 2013-2014 Wizards (#DcRising!!!!!). Pitching wins playoff series and the Nats have the best starting pitching in baseball. Hands down. Stephen Strasburg, Gio Gonzalez, Tanner Roark and Jordan Zimmerman (a.k.a. Mr. September). I will be surprised if they lose a single game in the entirety of the playoffs, including the World Series, which they will win, handily.

CS: On the flip side, the Giants have none of these things. They have a great catcher (Buster Posey), a man by the name of Hunter Pence and Madison Bumgarner, who can apparently drink four beers at the same time.

Nationals in 3.

PR: Nationals in 3 #Natilite #Natitude.

CS: We don’t want to bore you, so we will just predict the World Series as well.

CS: Royals over Nats in 7 and Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton and the ghost of Martin Van Buren and Millard Fillmore all throw out the first pitch at game 1 of the World Series.

PR: Nationals over Tigers in 5. Tigers win a lucky one on a Steve-Bartman-style-interference by Marion Barry. Nationals set a precedent for DC sports. The Washington Wizards follow up the Nats’ impressive performance with a NBA finals run in which Bradley Beal stuns the Oklahoma City Thunder with a game 7-winning corner three. Durant signs with the Wizards the next summer, winning 10 championships.