Lucy and Taryn’s Beer Club is in the throes of midterms. Overnight, it seems, those mischievous tests and papers snuck up on us while we slept, sent up permanent camp in the front yard, and now greet us every morning when we wake up. It’s seriously limited our beer consumption, because it’s hard to be buzzed and perform lucid petrographic microscopy simultaneously. So what should you do when you’re stressed and can’t drink beer? Well, tell stupid jokes about beer, of course! A brief disclaimer: we can claim no credit for any of these jokes. The internet has been vital to our success. With that out of the way, laugh, groan, roll your eyes, cry, whatever – just remember that after midterms comes St. Patrick’s Day!

Q: A man walks into a bar carrying a slab of asphalt under his arm. What does he order?

A: “A beer for me, please, and also one for the road.”

Q: Why does Corona run through your system so fast?

A: Because it doesn’t have to change color along the way.

Q: What happens when you cross Pabst Blue Ribbon and Smirnoff Ice in a doctor’s office?

A: You get a “Pabst Smir!”

A grasshopper walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a beer. The bartender pours him a glorious mug and then says, “You know, we have a drink named after you.” After careful thought, the grasshopper replies, “You have a drink called Bob?”

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Next week, we’re hoping the luck of the Irish leads us to the best Guinness-drinking spot in the Twin Cities. We’re looking for an Irish(wo)man to be our guide. If you’re interested, drop us an email! Until then, we’ll leave you with this gem:

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon. Not bad.