By Hannah Wydeven

Dear Hannah,
My boyfriend and I were interested in trying some p-spot stimulation, but we aren’t sure the best way to do it. Is there any way that it could be unsafe? Is there a common way of doing it that we should know about?
-Anal ExplorerFor readers who don’t know what” p-spot” stimulation is, it’s stimulation of the prostate, which is also known as the male g-spot, or the p-spot. Many men and women really enjoy anal stimulation during sex, and for men the prostate is considered somewhat of a hot spot. There are a couple ways to actually give a prostate massage, externally and internally.

To do it externally you can rub your boyfriend’s perineum, or his taint, during sex(that’s the part that is between his balls and his anus). By rubbing that part of his body you are externally stimulating his prostate, which can enhance orgasm. You can also do an internal prostate massage, which means putting your finger inside of his anus.

To make this a painless and safe practice, it’s also really important for him to be relaxed so that you don’t tear the rectum. A warm bath can help, or you can massage the area externally using plenty of lube before you jump in. On your end, it’s important to cut your fingernails and make sure they’re not too sharp. Also, you should wear a latex glove (available at Health and Wellness!), and use LOTS of water based lube. The more lube you use the better off you will be, and the more painless and enjoyable the process will be.

Once your partner is all lubed up, slowly and gently insert your finger. You don’t want to bomb into his ass, take it nice and slow and make sure that everything feels okay as it’s happening. Once you have your finger inserted, feel around for a sort of bump of tissue, this is the prostate. Then it’s up to you and your partner in terms of what feels best, but I have heard that the “come hither” motion is what does the trick, just like the female g-spot. Just make sure that as you’re doing it, you talk to your partner about what feels good, and work together to achieve those pleasurable feelings. Don’t forget, AE, that anal stimulation works on both men and women, so don’t let your boyfriend be the only one who gets to experience something new.

Dear Hannah,
After a couple of different short relationships in high school, I contracted herpes. I haven’t had a sexual relationship since, and now I’m struggling to find the right way to tell my current partner. I know it’s unsafe and unfair not to, but how can I address it without scaring off my partner or hurting the relationship?
-Big H

Having herpes doesn’t have to be the end of your sex life, and it doesn’t have to ruin your current relationship, either, but you do have to be honest about it. The longer you keep it from your partner, the more you make it seem like a completely awful thing, which it isn’t. If you are safe in your sexual practices and you monitor your breakouts, you can easily avoid spreading herpes to your partner. As you likely know from talking to your doctor, you are not likely to pass on herpes if you use protection and if you are not showing signs of an outbreak. If you do show those symptoms, that’s the time when you want to hold off on having sex and be cautious to prevent giving it to your partner.

In terms of talking to your partner, the sooner the better. The best way to approach them is by stating the facts in an unemotional manner that doesn’t use language that could potentially scare someone away. You don’t want to start the conversation by saying “I have terrible news for you.”, because that sets it up as being a horrible secret when in reality it is just a part of your life that you need to share with your partner. Also, be prepared going into the conversation by learning as much as you can about herpes. Likely, your partner is going to have a lot of questions for you, as most people don’t really understand what herpes is or what it means. Let your partner know that it is actually very common, as one in five people have herpes

Also choose your location wisely. Try bringing it up when the two of you are hanging out in a relaxing setting, where you can have the conversation without any pressure. Let it come up naturally. If you force it out, it’s going to sound weird and scary. You could start by asking if your partner has ever been tested before, or if they know anything about STIs.

However you do it, you should just be cautious that you don’t speak with a tone that will frighten your partner. Be mindful that your partner might be totally ignorant about the herpes virus, and they will need you to explain it.

Also, there is a possibility that your partner will take the news poorly. In that case, be open to what they have to say, and be open to the idea of giving your partner space to think about what you just told them. No matter how you do it, you have to be honest with your partner and explain your situation in a calm, informed way. The outcome could be better than you expect.

Dear Hannah,
As a recent victim of sexual assault, I really appreciated your article about the inappropriate use of the word “rape” in every day, out of context conversation. For victims/survivors of rape, the word carries a lot of weight, fear, shame and intensity. It is not a term to be used lightly. In light of Sexual Assault Awareness month, let’s all remember that we don’t always know what people are going through and that for many, the word is a reminder of a terrible and painful experience. If we can talk about rape and sexual assault in a more useful and appropriate manner, we will be showing compassion and understanding for all who have been affected by sexual assault.

Speaking Out Survivor

[email protected]