The Founders would be proud

By Hannah Walker

Last Thursday, I began and ended my diving career after I fell headfirst off my lofted bed and into the lush Dupre floor. The plunge triggered a wonderful night of mumbling taxi drivers, third-year resident medical students and my first round of stitches in my forehead. After the incident, several people approached me to ask, “Are you alright?” At first, I was slightly embarrassed to admit that my own head had literally begun splitting at the seams; but after reflection, I realized the incident was nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, falling off my bed was the perfect Macalester experience the Founders would have wanted. Founders Day is today. I thought it would be appropriate to map my experience with the ideals that the Mac Founders built this school upon. The Macalester Statement of Purpose and Belief, which is featured on the school’s website, starts, “We believe that education is a fundamentally transforming experience.” Check. Consider my face to be fundamentally transformed. The scars will always be a reminder of my dedication to Macalester’s ideals and logical reasoning. The Statement of Purpose and Belief continues, “They should be able to apply their understanding of theories to address problems in the larger community.” Double Check. Thanks to the incident, I have fully comprehended the theory of gravity. Not to mention, I used my face as a walking Public Service Announcement for proper bed safety, warning fellow Mac students everywhere of the dangers of diving into non-pool like objects. The Founders emphasized that “students should develop the ability to use information and communication resources effectively.” In other words, there are only so many phone calls you can make to a taxi company before it shows up. Other resources I used: lots of paper towels, explanation skills (“No, I was not drinking alcohol”), and several Harry Potter scar jokes that were taken very well at 2:00 am. Not to mention the wonderful MooreMedical™ “Supporting Health and Care” Non-Aspirin that was given to me by the cheery employees at the hospital. The Founders also hoped their students would “be adept at critical, analytical and logical thinking,” …can’t win ‘em all, I guess. They also expected Scots to “express themselves well in both oral and written forms.” Triple Check. I was overjoyed as I filled out the numerous medical forms shoved towards me in the ER. No, I don’t have polio. No, I’ve never had an erection that’s lasted for more than 4 hours. I also had to get crafty when describing the incident to the various doctors and nurses. I learned that comparing the incident to gore movies did not make the process go any faster. “Finally,” the Statement concludes, “students should be prepared to take responsibility for their personal, social and intellectual choices.” I’m definitely prepared to defend my social choices. Thank god I got randomly assigned to a wonderful roommate who not only tried to half-catch me, but also often mentioned how funny this was going to be in ten years. As for responsibility for my personal choices, I plan on having my mattress on the floor. For a long time. In all seriousness, I think and hope the Founders would be proud of not only me, Hannah #SuchAFreshman Walker, but also of our entire Macalester student body. Proud of our commitment to our education, devotion to our passions and, of course, our good ol’ open mindset. Did I mention our dedication to learning from our mistakes?