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By Katherine Tylevich

Mac Weekly: Ok, tell me the basics first. Your major? Kate Slivko: I’m a Japanese Major and I’m also taking pre-med, though it’s not really a major. You wanna go to medical school you better be taking bio or chem. And shaving chicken butts in a research lab. And, I’m taking the road less traveled.

MW: Ooh. Where are you from?

KS:I’m from Moscow, Russia. And I’ve been here since I was 16. I went to high school in Maryland; District of Columbia, more like it. Private school. I’m a catholic schoolgirl! And, um, what else? What other basics do I have? I’m a whore. [Laughs]

MW: You want me to put that in?

KS: You could.

MW: Okay, I’ll put it in with laughter in brackets.

KS: I volunteer at Family Tree clinic, and I volunteered at Fairview hospital last spring. And I studied abroad in Japan, which ruined my life. I had a host-family from hell. My host sister would hold my hands and say: “You know, you have really skinny fingers, but all other fat people I’ve met have fat fingers, too.” And, my host mother gave me a list titled: “Things I don’t like about you and that you need to change.” It had, like, 12 items on it. I also commuted 20 hours a week, and perverts on the train tried to grope my ass.

MW: What’s your sign?

KS: Capricorn, and I think it’s pretty much on the spot. Especially the part where, like, the older you get, the better you look. Well, I look at pictures of myself ten years ago, and I’m so much better looking now. [Laughs]

MW: Is that what the sign is all about?

KS: Well, there’s all these things about being hardworking and ambitious and very motivated. And I guess I am, because I plan on taking, fucking, 300 credits next semester. And translating immunology papers from Japanese into English without ever haven taking immunology and without really being able to speak Japanese. But, you know.

MW: How do you think you’ve positively or negatively impacted this campus?

KS: Oh God. Well, let’s see. I really showed them how to do things right when I worked at the post office at the end of my sophomore year. Except for, one day … I don’t know who did it, but somebody probably walked in–somebody who worked there–and drew penises all over the walls. And, just because my friend Megan, who graduated, and I would always tell obscene stories to each other and irritate the lady, Diane, they figured it was us who drew the penises on the walls. Because we had nothing better to do! Megan was fired. So, I really impacted the post office, and the post office impacted me. But, all they say about going postal is true.

And my old boss at Res Life, she wanted me to be an R.A. ’cause I could crack down on all the fucking drinking and drug abuse. But, I didn’t want to have to put up the fucking bulletin board every month. I mean, it’s bullshit that nobody ever reads. And, what else? I don’t know, I’m not one of those people that gets involved in everything possible. I did a lot as an econ major, because, you know, you’ve got to augment your resume and crap. But, not anymore. Now I’m doing stuff I actually like.

MW: Do you like working with me?

KS: Oh, Tylevich. I even stay after hours–I don’t even put in my payroll, which is completely out of line. I even came in today after spending the whole night vomiting.

MW: Oh, very nice! Do you have a most hilarious memory from Macalester?

KS: Probably the time when Megan and I were talking about boys and drinking and eating cheesecake, and we drank too much, and I hauled my ass back to Dupre–to room 269–you know, I had to have the magic number–and I climb in my bunk-bed, fall asleep. I wake up in the morning and everything’s covered in vomit. I mean, the ceiling, the walls, my computer, me, my bed, you know, the armchair, everything. So. It was parents weekend, and I wake up in my room, like 6:00 A.M. and I hear these parents walking outside my door. I hear this woman say: “You know, some people’s rooms smell, but this floor smells really bad! I wonder why!” And I was, like, yeah, I threw up everywhere, it’s cheesecake vomit. I remember the custodians took my armchair out, so I came back, it’s not there and they said “it’s airing out in the basement” … And my laptop was ruined, too.

MW: Do you have any advice for the young ones on campus?

KS: Do shit everybody else tells you not to, which is what I did when I went down to Gulfport, Mississippi in Summer 2004 to work for the port operator down there. Three months filled with drunk longshoremen, casino gaming, hard hats, giant flying roaches, steel-toed boots, and pretty tight-assed Navy officers (make that two, at once) isn’t the normal summer experience of any Mac student, let alone an Econ major. Now a year and a hurricane later, I’m venturing down there once again with the trip that our dear community service office managed to organize….all I gotta do is just raise $350, so if ya got a buck, SPO it to me….tax-deductible, babeeeee.

And, don’t be an econ major. Don’t hang with the crowd. Ever since I’ve broke away from that econ hoopla, I’ve just felt so much better about myself.

MW: Really, how come?

KS: I don’t feel like I’m surrounded by hyper-competitive people who, like, eat, breathe and urinate investment banking. I can just pursue my interests and nobody’s quizzing me about where I’m applying for jobs. And, actually, I’m not applying for jobs anyway, because I’m going to Canada after graduation and finishing my pre-med stuff. And working some bullshit job in the meantime.

MW: What do you hope to do in Canada?

KS: Well, I’m gonna finish my pre-med courses. And I’m hoping to get an internship at the coroner’s office because I want to be a medical examiner. And, you know, some gig to pay the bills. And hopefully apply to medical school and hopefully get in. If not, pharmacy or police.

MW: Any final words?

KS: Final words? God, I don’t know. I think everybody should come by our German and Russian studies office, cause we have this, like, awesome recliner and it’s totally posh. Yeah, so come by and visit.