Rupert Murdoch is bribing me, and it's working

By Matthew Stone

I’m admittedly wary of this man and his ever-growing influence in the world, but I’ve got to hand it to him. Rupert Murdoch, who’s (not so) slowly taking over every sector of the world of media that I hold so dear, really knows how to make a bribe.After all, how else would his influence keep on growing?
U.S. citizenship? The Wall Street Journal and all its properties? The New York Post? The new Fox Business Channel? At least one T.V. station in nearly every local U.S. market?

The list continues. I haven’t even touched on the man’s properties in Britain and his native Australia.

Mr. Murdoch, you could say, has repeatedly used his power and his wallet to garner ever more influence in the media world.

And now, he’s bribing me.

I don’t have too much to offer, but you can see that it’s worked. I am, after all, writing this article.

Mr. Murdoch wants me to be writing about two popular shows on his Fox network: “Family Guy” and “The Simpsons.” Special episodes are coming up on Sunday, so Mr. Murdoch and his behemoth public relations machine are trying to get my attention.

So they’ve been sending me gifts.

The first one arrived a few weeks ago. “Family Guy’s” 100th episode-the one in which Stewie kills his mother Lois-is fast approaching, the letter tucked inside the package announced. Enclosed in the padded envelope, I found an extra-large t-shirt celebrating the show’s milestone and an advance DVD copy of the episode. (If you’re in suspense now about what might happen during the show and need some reassurance, you can rest assured that you’ll be in more suspense by the end of Sunday night’s special episode.)

I was pleasantly surprised and satisfied by the outpouring of generosity from the Fox Network. I expected no more treats. But Mr. Murdoch is a professional, so he wasn’t planning to stop at just one gift package.

The second set of gifts arrived a few days ago. I opened the box in a time of dire need for my stomach and sweet tooth, and was overjoyed (my dentist probably won’t be) to find a canvas bag half-full of “fun size” Twix, Snickers, Milky Way, and Three Musketeers bars.

The occasion? “The Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror XVIII” Halloween special, also airing Sunday.

I received no advance copy of the episode this time, so I can’t lend my insights there except to say that a killing rampage of a well-known character is on tap.

You should expect a morbid Sunday if you watch both “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy.”

And I should expect, come Thanksgiving, another gift bag from Mr. Murdoch. Right, Rupert?