The Student News Site of Macalester College

The Mac Weekly

The Student News Site of Macalester College

The Mac Weekly

The Student News Site of Macalester College

The Mac Weekly

Notorious B.U.T.T.E.R.


It was a modern day story of Romeo and Juliet. A culinary tale of passion, where what wasn’t meant to be was, where what ought not to have happened did. And thus, sat Butter in the hot tub, sipping on a glass of wine, when in rushed the angry lover, Basil Leaf. BASIL LEAF:

Pray, Butter!

Have you lost your mind?


I’m simply trying to unwind!


Unwind! Unwind!

You’ll liquefy!

You’re sitting in hot water!

The temperature’s too high!


Oh, quit your yapping,

No need to scream!

So What? I’ll melt

and I’ll become a cream!

Big deal!

I promise you! I’ll stay delish!

On top of that, I’ll be noutrish!

You’ll eat much less of me with all your meals,

So half the cals–


Are you for reals?

Need I remind you I’m food, too?

And cannibalism’s not a thing I do?


Who is this crazy beatnik?

Quit your jive!

Maybe I want to take a bath!

Maybe I want to feel alive!

But you don’t understand,

How could you? Such a prude.

At least respect my privacy,

And stop acting so rude!

Like all the peeps on Oprah’s show,

I need some “me time,” time to grow!


God, what’s your deal?

You’ve totally lost your sex appeal!

And don’t you dare sip that Merlot!

How gruesome must you get? How low?


So, I’m a hedonist!

So sue me!


I’ll get a lawyer, fine!

And he’ll see to it,

That you put down that wine!


What can he do?

Eat me with sardines?

‘Twould only be my pleasure,

To be of help in someone else’s leisure!


You’re sick! I beg you,

Leave that tub–that fiery hell!

And rid this house,

Of your delicious buttery smell!


Oh, I’m delicious, am I?




What say you come in here,

And make a little Basil Butter, baby?


I musn’t!


Au Contraire! You must!


Okay, I’ll try.


Just jump in here and we’ll solidify!


I can’t.


Your loss.

You know we’d made an excellent salmon sauce.


Oh, don’t bring salmon into this!


Why not?


You know that Salmon always gets me hot.


A glooming peace this morning with it brings;

The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:

Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;

Some shall be pardon’d, and some punished:

For never was a story of more woe grief

Than this of Juliet Butter and her Romeo of Basil Leaf

-mail (it’s French!) [email protected]

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