By
It was a modern day story of Romeo and Juliet. A culinary tale of passion, where what wasn’t meant to be was, where what ought not to have happened did. And thus, sat Butter in the hot tub, sipping on a glass of wine, when in rushed the angry lover, Basil Leaf. BASIL LEAF:
Pray, Butter!
Have you lost your mind?
BUTTER:
I’m simply trying to unwind!
BASIL LEAF:
Unwind! Unwind!
You’ll liquefy!
You’re sitting in hot water!
The temperature’s too high!
BUTTER:
Oh, quit your yapping,
No need to scream!
So What? I’ll melt
and I’ll become a cream!
Big deal!
I promise you! I’ll stay delish!
On top of that, I’ll be noutrish!
You’ll eat much less of me with all your meals,
So half the cals–
BASIL LEAF:
Are you for reals?
Need I remind you I’m food, too?
And cannibalism’s not a thing I do?
BUTTER:
Who is this crazy beatnik?
Quit your jive!
Maybe I want to take a bath!
Maybe I want to feel alive!
But you don’t understand,
How could you? Such a prude.
At least respect my privacy,
And stop acting so rude!
Like all the peeps on Oprah’s show,
I need some “me time,” time to grow!
BASIL LEAF:
God, what’s your deal?
You’ve totally lost your sex appeal!
And don’t you dare sip that Merlot!
How gruesome must you get? How low?
BUTTER:
So, I’m a hedonist!
So sue me!
BASIL LEAF:
I’ll get a lawyer, fine!
And he’ll see to it,
That you put down that wine!
BUTTER:
What can he do?
Eat me with sardines?
‘Twould only be my pleasure,
To be of help in someone else’s leisure!
BASIL LEAF:
You’re sick! I beg you,
Leave that tub–that fiery hell!
And rid this house,
Of your delicious buttery smell!
BUTTER:
Oh, I’m delicious, am I?
BASIL LEAF:
Maybe.
BUTTER:
What say you come in here,
And make a little Basil Butter, baby?
BASIL LEAF:
I musn’t!
BUTTER:
Au Contraire! You must!
BASIL LEAF:
Okay, I’ll try.
BUTTER:
Just jump in here and we’ll solidify!
BASIL LEAF:
I can’t.
BUTTER:
Your loss.
You know we’d made an excellent salmon sauce.
BASIL LEAF:
Oh, don’t bring salmon into this!
BUTTER:
Why not?
BASIL LEAF:
You know that Salmon always gets me hot.
PRINCE:
A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
Some shall be pardon’d, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe grief
Than this of Juliet Butter and her Romeo of Basil Leaf
-mail (it’s French!) [email protected]
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