Make like Robin Williams and “Do”manji!

By Katherine Tylevich

Do: Give it 100 percent
Don’t: Accidentally give it 50 percent of your DNA, mostly recessive genes (you dick!)
Do: Look on the bright side
Don’t: Look at the sun during an eclipse
Do: Go cow tipping
Don’t: Go veal untying
Do: “IT”

Don’t: Do “E.T.” You don’t know where that interplanetary life form has been.
Doon’t: Do former “E.T.” host John Tesh. He has a career to focus on, you home wrecker.

Do: Hit me with your best shot
Don’t: Press charges
Do: Take that stupid grin off your face
Don’t: Surgically remove that stupid face off your face
Do: Do-rags
Don’t: Do-rugs
Do: Be a goodie two-shoes
Don’t: Be a baddie one-nipple
Do: Live a little
Don’t: Die a lot
Do: Count your blessings
Don’t: Spend all of your blessings on a shopping spree at the mall because you “totally deserve a ‘me day'”

Do: See the glass as half full
Don’t: See the glass as half full of poison and/or rat droppings
Do: Go skinny dipping
Don’t: Go morbidly obese dipping
Do: Save yourself for marriage
Don’t: Save yourself in a hermetic capsule for marriage in the year 2084 to King Phormigimus450. He’s not worth it, yo. No super-human mutant is. Get some self-esteem already.