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The Mac Weekly

The Student News Site of Macalester College

The Mac Weekly

The Student News Site of Macalester College

The Mac Weekly

Make like Robin Williams and “Do”manji!

By Katherine Tylevich

Do: Give it 100 percent
Don’t: Accidentally give it 50 percent of your DNA, mostly recessive genes (you dick!)
Do: Look on the bright side
Don’t: Look at the sun during an eclipse
Do: Go cow tipping
Don’t: Go veal untying
Do: “IT”

Don’t: Do “E.T.” You don’t know where that interplanetary life form has been.
Doon’t: Do former “E.T.” host John Tesh. He has a career to focus on, you home wrecker.

Do: Hit me with your best shot
Don’t: Press charges
Do: Take that stupid grin off your face
Don’t: Surgically remove that stupid face off your face
Do: Do-rags
Don’t: Do-rugs
Do: Be a goodie two-shoes
Don’t: Be a baddie one-nipple
Do: Live a little
Don’t: Die a lot
Do: Count your blessings
Don’t: Spend all of your blessings on a shopping spree at the mall because you “totally deserve a ‘me day'”

Do: See the glass as half full
Don’t: See the glass as half full of poison and/or rat droppings
Do: Go skinny dipping
Don’t: Go morbidly obese dipping
Do: Save yourself for marriage
Don’t: Save yourself in a hermetic capsule for marriage in the year 2084 to King Phormigimus450. He’s not worth it, yo. No super-human mutant is. Get some self-esteem already.

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