By Katherine Tylevich

HOT: ( * )( * )
NOT: ()()

HOT: Hand Jobs
NOT: Widespread hand unemployment

HOT: Hot dogs
NOT: Ugly dogs. Ew. Heard of a make-over much, beef/chicken/nails?

HOT: Bumping and grinding
NOT: Bumping and sandpapering

HOT: Apollo Ono (USA! USA!)
NOT: Apollo 13 (Um, Houston we have a dumbass. Learn to go to space.)
NOTTER: Apollo the Greek god. He takes longer to get ready than you do. Here, you can have my ticket to the metro!

HOT: Diet pills with new, “barley there” FDA approvals
NOT: Exercise

HOT: Drinking mocktails
NOT: Drinking mocktails and getting all “I am so tipsy! [giggle giggle], you look so cu-ute tonight!” then mock-puking and mock-passing out in the Campus Center barthroom

HOT: “Girl shake that Laffy Taffy”

NOT: “Girl, shake that Lean Cuisine chicken breast and low-fat cous-cous”

HOT: Eggs over easy
NOT: Eggs over prude

HOT: Deviled Eggs
NOT: Born-again chickens

HOT: “In the middle of the night … I’ve been walking in my sleep!”
NOT: “In the middle of the night … I’ve been talking in my sleep! And I told you I don’t love you! Sorry. That was an awkward morning.”