An Astute Guide to Wasting your Time this Winter

By Noah Koch and Nina Slesinger

Winter break is coming up and while some of you may have wonderful internships planned, the rest of you are probably looking for something to do in those odd hours between sleep and masturbation. While live television is typically at a lull during the month of January, the internet is teeming with sites like Hulu, Cuevana, Netflix, or Megavideo, with tons of television shows at your disposal. Since most of you dorks have been too busy working to watch anything since school’s started we have compiled a list of some of the fall’s new programs to help you determine whether or not they are worth your time. Worth Looking Into +American Horror Story: AHS, the tale of a family trying to start over in a haunted house, is the newest product of Ryan Murphy’s deeply disturbed brain. Although the show follows the same formula as Murphy’s previous shows– attractive people, excessive gay jokes, the token Down Syndrome character (why?), subtle racism, and a blatant disregard for continuity– it does have its redeeming qualities. The aesthetics of the show are phenomenal, as are Connie Britton and Jessica Lange’s performances. As long as you stop questioning why the fuck they haven’t moved you should be good. +Up All Night: WIll Arnett! Christina Applegate! Maya Rudolph! Nick Cannon? What’s not to love (Besides Nick Cannon! Seriously, what is he doing here?!)!? There are actually a few things not to love, namely the inconsistent tone and cliché just-tryin’-to-raise-a-family-in-suburbia jokes, but this new NBC sitcom is definitely improving. With such a solid cast, it would be a shame not to. Holy God No! +New Girl: This sitcom on Fox features quirky, “adorkable” Zooey Deschanel as the quirky, “adorkable” new roommate of three guys. Each episode consists of Deschanel getting into crazy situations as her roommates freak out about “lady things” like vaginas and PMS. For those of you who are thinking, “Hey, I liked her when she played Andy’s batshit insane girlfriend on Weeds,” this show isn’t for you. Deschanel is still batshit insane, but less nympho and more drippy. For those of you who are thinking, “Hey, I liked her in 500 Days of Summer,” you’d probably love this show because you have horrible taste. Go listen to She and Him, you incredible douchebag. +Two Broke Girls: Featuring Kat Dennings as an angsty broke hipster, and newcomer Beth Behrs as her Paris Hilton-esque riches-to-rags roommate, this modern take on The Odd Couple is all kinds of wrong. The jokes are mediocre, and the setting, down-and-out Williamsburg, is entirely inaccurate. The show also manages to be incredibly racist, although who doesn’t love listening to Bryce Lee, Dennings and Behrs’ boss, mispronounce words as he attempts to “assimirate” to “Amelican” culture? Personally, I’m excited for when they have Mickey Rooney revive his role from Breakfast at Tiffany’s and guest star as Bryce’s father. +Last Man Standing: Homophobia What Are You Waiting For?! +Parks & Recreation: If you’re not taping pictures of Adam Scott to your wall or yelling “Treat Yo’ Self” every time you partake in some indulgence, then you are off your rocker. After a weak first season, Parks & Rec (as it’s known to us insiders) got its act together and is now the best mockumentary-sitcom about local government on TV. The first three seasons are available on Netflix so get cracking! For all you WGSS nerds: Parks & Rec has more outspoken feminist characters than my Sociology of Gender class! +Breaking Bad: What can I say about this show that would do it any justice? This is by far one of the finest pieces of television on the air. For the sophisticated-types, BB features wonderful acting (Bryan Cranston has won an Emmy for every season), beautiful cinematography (intros in season 2 can be compiled together to make a short film), and one of the best bottle episodes of television I have ever seen. For the philistines, it has meth, guns, sex, and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle. The show’s ending this season, but the first three are all on Netflix Instant. Interested in hearing more of our small screen musings? Tune in to “Show About Nothing” on 91.7fm WMCN Fridays 2-3pm, or check out our blog