By Veronique Bergeron

Wesleyan University
According to the Wesleyan Argus, this Connecticut college has recently been the victim of an all too common form of vandalism: chalking. The Argus reported that, “the Nicolson 7 dormitory is the new front in the chalking controversy that has swept the campus of late.”
And what a controversy, indeed.
Students in the aforementioned Nicolson dorm are being charged $1100 total for chalking messages, jokes, and drawings in dormitory hallways. The majority of the chalking was sponsored by an on-campus underground cultural revival group and was inspired by similar acts of vandalism during the university’s homecoming. The chalkings will be reviewed under the terms of the University’s grafitti policy, though there is no current disciplinary precedent on which to base the fines.

In unrelated news, Wesleyan administrators instituted new disciplinary policies, punishing students for laughing, hugging, and helping elderly women cross the street.

Pomona College
Two first year students were recently arrested for stealing a campus-owned golf cart. The students were en route to an off-campus party, with the charming theme of “Porn Star Party.” According to The Student Life, officers originally pulled the cart over because the drivers failed to turn on the street-illegal vehicle’s headlights. Upon detaining the vehicle, officers noticed that the cart was owned by the College. One of the students has been charged with a felony offence for receiving stolen property, while the other received a misdemeanor for public intoxication and resisting a police officer.

Wake Forest University
Foundation & Endowment Money Management, a financial newsletter, recently rated Wake Forest as the “Savviest Non-Profit” in the country. Yale University and the Hewlett Foundation were runners-up in the competition, which rated each institution’s financial success. Criteria for the award included “not only a track record of good returns and sound investment decisions, but also innovation in how the fund manages its assets and how it approaches its goals.”
The “widely-read investment newsletter” also won a very special, prestigious award for bestowing the “Most Frivolous Award” upon any institution. Kaplan Newsweek followed with a close second for its oh-so ridiculous “Hottest Liberal Arts School” Award, which went to Macalester College.