#### Selby: Where small-town boys and city kids find common ground

By Olivia Provan and Reilly Pruitt

From the moment we entered #### Selby, we were pleased to be greeted with hospitiality one might not expect from six college seniors. The boys of #### include Simon Eisenberg, Adam Kent, Ben Kleinman, Joe Parilla, Cory Turner, and John Simkins. We sat down with them to discuss annulled leases, regional disparities, and who really wears the pants around here.This isn’t the house you lived in when the semester started. What made you want to move?

Simon Eisenberg: You are talking about the shithole? All responses go through our representative, Mr. Kleinman.

John Simkins: It was my fault entirely.

Joe Parilla: Balls were dropped.

SE: Our representative took care of it.

Ben Kleinman: It was a tough situation to come into. I was living on a couch with two cats, to which I’m allergic.

JS: What it ultimately came down to was the fact that Cory’s life was in danger if he continued to live in that basement.

Cory Turner: People couldn’t spend long periods of time there. It’s not healthy. We are a strong group. If we wanted to live there, we could have pulled through. But we were determined not to be pushed around and to make the best of our senior year. So we made an aggressive play and got out of the lease through forceful measures. [The group erupts in laughter.]
SE: We shamed and dominated them.
JP: Yeah, shout-out to Jim, our lawyer neighbor across the street.

How exactly did you manage to get out of a lease? What kind of aggressive play are we talking about?

Adam Kent: Cory got mad and kicked some balls.

JS: We were frustrated and it was fate.
CT: In sum, we got together and decided we wanted to get out of the lease. We started cleaning the house. That’s when we met Jim across the street. He gave us some legal advice and decided it would be a good move. So we told our landlords that if they didn’t let us out we would call the city inspector.

AK: Simon’s dad thought of that one.

BK: Yeah, the landlord knew he didn’t really have a choice. We had a house full of couches. He came over one day and actually said, “How many couches do you guys need?” Then he took three steps inside and said, “This place wouldn’t pass a city inspection.”
SE: So we got out of the lease for a “small fee.”

CT: Hey, we need to focus on the domination aspect.

JP: So once we cleared up the legal stuff, we drove to the liquor store to celebrate.

JS: Yeah, but it was a Sunday and Minnesota sucks, so the liquor stores were closed.

Ben, how did you assume the role of taking control of the situation?

BK: Well, I was gone all of last year. I called one day to check in from London, and John informed me that there weren’t enough rooms for everyone. I had absolutely no say. But eventually I found this house and decided it would be for the greater good for us to move here.

JS: You are a hero.

What’s your house dynamic like?

BK: It’s an epic house
JS: We really do have a great dynamic. We talk about it all the time.
CT: Everyday we wake up and decide what needs to be done to make ourselves happy, and we do it.

BK: We can all tell that he has worked on a political campaign.

CT: There are conflicts in every house, but we are all devoted to a larger goal. We have this analogy that we as a house compare to a musical cord. There are certain notes that sound good together, and some that don’t
JS: This is all really beautiful.

So who wears the pants in the house? Do any factions exist?

JS: We can always find fun together. There are no factions between us. There were at the beginning, and they dissipated.

SE: We all get along pretty well. At least until people come along and try to instigate things.

BK: Yeah, why is everyone trying to tear us apart?
CT: We ALL wear pants here
BK: We all come from different places. I mean Cory is from.where are you from?
JP: Wait, are you serious?
BK: I can’t remember where you’re from.Montana?
JP: We’ve all gotten really close.

JS: Well, I’m from Illinois, a town of 30,000. I always thought we were ahead of things, but apparently that’s not true at all.

CT: Well I’m from Montana and the first thing I noticed were that there weren’t any mountains.

What about in terms of regional differences and tensions in the house?

CT: I’m not going to name names, but anyone from a “big city” has a superiority complex where they think that they are better than people from smaller towns. But they really haven’t spent any time-they can’t even name where the people in their house live
SE: I know where you live. Montana.

CT: I was going for the city name.

BK: I know, Missoulor.

JP: Missoulor? Are you serious? He’s not from Lord of the Rings.

CT: It’s been really interesting for me to watch these city boys. [All laugh.] It’s really been an educational process for all of them. It’s been interesting to watch them grow up.

So if there are no real conflicts, what about sports teams or over the communal space?

JS: Simon’s teams are too good.

JP: We are pretty united. I usually just berate Simon for liking Boston sports.

AK: It doesn’t really bother us. We are all really level-headed.

JP: Yeah, and plus we have four TVs.

SE: Hey John, how’s your quest for finding us a pet cat going?
AK: He got a dish, a milk dish.

JS: No, not a milk dish, tuna. There was this cat that was walking around our house, and I kind of missed the cats from our old house so one night I ran inside our house and grabbed a can of tuna. I just opened it and kind of tried to catch the cat with it.
AK: You tried to catch it with the tuna?
JS: I tried to LURE it. I just wanted to pet it so bad. So instead I put the can of tuna in a window in my basement room. I put stuff outside my window and try to get animals to come. That’s not that weird, is it?

John, we’ve noticed that you comprise the school band at football games. How did you get that position?

JS: Well I had played the trumpet in high school and when I went to the football games I just noticed something lacking. It’s not school sanctioned or anything.
SE: It gets him in trouble.

JS: No, not in any trouble.

BK: You should tell them about the one time it got us into a little bit of trouble at the women’s hockey game.
SE: This was sophomore year. We went to one women’s hockey game. It was the only hockey game we’d ever been to and essentially got kicked out for fighting.
JS: It was a drunken husband.

SE: He was very offended by the spirit of John and Ben. Ben had a cone and cheered on the Macalester women.
BK: At one point he pushed Simon and me and tried to fight us in the parking lot.
JS: We came back and drank a glass of wine.

Adam, you were formerly an RA, what made you decide to give it up? Did you ever have to write up one of your roommates?

AK: Nope, I never had to write them up. I wasn’t really a “writing up RA.” I never really agreed with the idea of writing kids up for doing stuff most college people do. I think it goes against the whole idea of being an RA. I just realized I was done dealing with residential life.

Have you guys managed to throw any good parties this year?

JP: We have had some decent parties.

SE: John’s room is the place where people go to dance.

JS: People meander down there, and eventually a dance party starts. I usually get trapped for a long period of time without even intending to.

AK: Do you lure them with tuna, too?