By Anna Chastain, Stephanie Potter
Q: I thought college was supposed to be the time of getting some. Now, I am not nor is anyone (except First-year Stud) as far as I can tell. Any tips?
– Funny Sexual Innuendo NameTransfer to a big state school. We?TMre not kidding. People don?TMt generally get laid at Macalester. It?TMs a problem, we know, but it?TMs true. But while we may not have the answers, we do have a few things to watch out for as you try to get laid:
Do NOT under any circumstances:
1.) Bash your exes. People will be scared to date you for fear that you will spread nasty tales.
2.) Make stupid pseudo-intellectual comments in class.
3.) Avoid the party scene. Drunk people hook up, they?TMre pretty much the only people who do.
4.) Ignore the conversational advances of other people. Even if your lab partner is completely undateable, s/he might have a cute friend.
5.) Whine about your lack of sex. No one cares.
DO:
1.) Keep your facial hair under control. Seriously, guys. Patchy facial hair doesn?TMt make you look grown up, it just makes you look gross.
2.) Get clothing that fits. Your over-sized T-shirts aren?TMt hiding your paunch, they?TMre just alienating potential sex buddies.
3.) Wash your clothing. Putting it into a laundry basket then digging it out and wearing it again does not count.
4.) Bathe regularly/wear deodorant/both. We all smell like something so make yours good.
5.) Watch your manners. If your eating habits make people look at you funny, something needs to change.
name has been changed
Put anonymous questions in the box at the SPO, or e-mail [email protected] or [email protected] with sexual queries.
Justin Taylor • Sep 11, 2019 at 12:42 am
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Deirdre Black • Sep 7, 2019 at 10:53 am
Incredible points. Outstanding arguments. Keep up the great effort.