Readers of this most esteemed publication, dedicated followers of my column and anyone else: this is it! This is where it all ends.

By which I mean: this is the very last weekly weather report I will ever write for the Weekly. Are you sad? I’m sad. Mostly because very soon I will no longer have access to a publication that is not only willing but glad to publish a comedy weather column.

By which I mean: a very serious, very well-researched, very accurate and informative weather column. Obviously.
Speaking of informative, let’s get some information out here!
Today, as you are likely aware as it is the day you are currently experiencing, is projected to reach a high of 60°. Is that happening? Can you feel the 60°? It’s currently Thursday at 2:51 a.m., so you’re in the future right now, experiencing the future temps of Friday. I am in the past, and have no idea what it feels like to exist on Friday, April 29. But it is likely that I will. Tomorrow. Slash today (for you!).

The rest of the week mainly sticks around the 60s for the projected highs, but increases as we reach the end of the week, with a highest high of 73° on Tuesday, May 3.

I think this is a good weather situation for the week. We’re getting into finals a.k.a. a time of year during which you don’t need the distraction of extravagantly nice weather. This weather is good enough that it’s still pleasant but not great enough that you’d want to spend time outside, laughing in the sun, surrounded by your dearest friends instead of inside studying alone, while crying softly to yourself and hoping no one can hear you, but being realistic about the fact that the girl at the table next to you in the basement of the library most definitely can. Don’t beat yourself up about it. It happens to everyone. (Right?)