By Hannah Zeeb

This has gotten out of control. It was an article that took me a measly hour to write. And now it’s normal bathroom chitchat! Seriously people. I recently realized that I forgot to mention something earlier. I have an extremely dry sense of humor…like my crazy grandma’s knees in the winter dry. But hey, at least I don’t have a moist sense of humor. And when it comes to writing opinion articles my dryness might seep out and it just might fall onto the page. So…please…do not get alarmed if something doesn’t seem right. For example, it could be the best day of my life but I still sound like my cat just died. That is normal. For those lucky twelve individuals who made it to the end of my article last week, I want to give a big thumbs up and a big shut up-I am not a loser! I am enjoying my time at Macalester and I do not spend most nights huddled in the corner crying out of self-pity. And I most definitely do not need a hug. For the people who actually thought that I was like this I want to quickly suggest taking the Sarcasm 101 class in Humanities. I hear its great. Please, do not panic about a little blond freshman girl who doesn’t comprehend that people other then her might not get her jokes. The little blond girl will learn to add a key at the bottom of her articles to explain what she really means (just a note there will be no sarcasm keys…that was sarcasm… no way I am doing that kinda work). The next time you come across one of my articles, read it, swallow it, digest it and try not to burp it up. Say to yourself, “how would this come across in the complete opposite way it is written” and then you probably will understand what I am getting at. If you have any questions just call me at 358-4732 (heads up that is not a real number…this is one of my jokes again…really don’t call me… I do not like to talk to other people). If at any point you felt hurt or made fun during the article it is completely my fault not the Mac Weekly’s. My goal was not to make people feel bad and angry, my goal was to just write what I was thinking which mostly involves purple unicorn poop and orange fairy dust. Hannah Zeeb was not born with a filter so Hannah Zeeb bluntly says what she feels. And right now Hannah Zeeb feels angry. Why do you feel angry Hannah Zeeb? I’m glad you asked – I was just trying to sarcastically describe Macalester students, I wasn’t trying to hurt fill in your name here’s feelings. Get over it. It’s not like I pulled your hair and called you a sissy on the playground. If you were offended, don’t read the reviews about Macalester in College Review books. They will say the word…wait for it… “hipster”…oh no not the h word! I personally like “hipsters”, fun fact in high school I was voted “Best Hipster”…but coming from Naperville that doesn’t really mean much. I thought by describing Macalester as hipster it would be fun and true and not spiteful. Is that a problem? (if it is please remember my phone number). I got tons (literally tons) of emails, Facebook messages and elaborate telegrams telling me that they thought it was cowardly for me use inappropriate words and categorize students into social groups etc. When I walk into the cafeteria… that’s what I see. If you seem like exotic animals…that’s what I’m going to say. Who doesn’t want to be compared to a panda? Come on…a panda? And personally, I thought we were all adults here. If we can handle a sex scene in a movie we can handle “Asians” and “sluts”. The emails also mentioned the movie “Mean Girls“. Great movie – I hear it’s on Netflix. If you were offended by “Mean Girls” then you would be offended by my article, if you laughed at “Mean Girls”, that’s what I was trying to do, have you laugh at my article. Sorry I’m no Tina Fey. I will keep writing, and whatever pops into my head I will write it down. If you do not feel comfortable with me still doing what I can constitutionally do, easy, do not read my articles and definitely…this is a must… do not listen to rap music. There were a couple positive comments that I got so it wasn’t like I was crying all weekend long. One positive commenter said something along the lines of “what can you do with a college that loves itself?” My answer: Have it look in a mirror. refresh –>