By Patrick Murphy

As the 2011 men’s track season gets underway, it’s time to get to know the fearless leaders of this self-described “roving band of gypsies.” I had the opportunity to talk to four
seniors on the squad about everything from training to meat tenderizing and everything in between. So, sit back and prepare to meet Keith Couture (sprints), Spencer Retelle (distance), Palmer Fliss (middle distance), and Joe Schubert (distance).

TMW: Describe track in one word.

KC: Slam-Jam!

SR: Fast.

PF: Focus

JS: Delicious

TMW: How did you prepare for the season?

KC: I biked a lot, but I know other people jogged or swam.

SR: I don’t know what I was expecting before I joined track, but I quickly learned they make you run. So whenever I got anxious or bored over break, I tried to reallocate time spent ‘hulu-ing’ onto the treadmill. Because you can make those cheeks jiggle while watching the Real Housewives.

PF: I ran cross country in the fall to put miles under my belt and improve my endurance coming into the season.

JS: I had a series of great sunrise runs on the beach this break.

TMW: Track isn’t a glamorous sport- hours of individual hard work, without the spectacle of other sports. So, why do you do it?

SR: I disagree that track isn’t a glamorous sport. Have you ever seen me in tights?

JS: I think to a lot of runners, running isn’t a spectacle but a life-long lifestyle choice. It’s about testing your mind and body, living deliberately, and yearning for more.

TMW: Runners have a bit of a reputation for being goofy, quirky, or downright crazy. Does the men’s team live up to this reputation?

SR: Hell. Yes. We’re a family, so we’re not afraid to fart when we’re running at the front of the pack, but that means we’re also completely willing to call out the ‘flatulater’ for his offense.

PF: We do a spoken word rendition of the Space Jam theme song.

TMW: Track spikes are pretty sharp, found any other practical uses?

KC: Meat tenderizer is one I’ve heard of, though I’m a vegetarian… So, I’m not really able to attest to that.

SR: Are you familiar with Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding?

PF: In a pinch they can be used to aerate your lawn. Thatch is a dangerous thing, man.

TMW: Let’s talk short shorts.

KC: I’ve always felt really confident in short shorts. I feel pretty free. I generally don’t gloat, but there is something about wearing short shorts around that makes me all proud. Every 18th century aristocrat wishes he had my legs.

SR: As a chubby kid my entire life before college, I never had nightmares about the dark, only short shorts. And, to be honest, it took me a while to embrace them. I expose 90% of my legs every time I run, and even if everyone is calling them thunder thighs, I just have to look down and appreciate the beautiful trunk trees I’ve been given.

PF: You feel naked, and it’s great. I suggest everyone get a pair of the shortest shorts they can find and go for a jog.

JS: The shorter the shorts the better. I think the (achieved) goal is to make the UPS shorts look conservative.

The Scots travel to Bethel on Saturday to take part in the Bethel Open. Now that you know them, you have no excuse to not go cheer them on. Just remember their motto, “Keep your times low and your shorts high.