Opinion

I hate you, Uncle Sam!

Dear Uncle Sam,

I don’t wanna talk to you. I am mad at you and you know why. I mean, really? I thought we were friends. It is all my fault. I should have known better. I thought it was still the old days. You didn’t even know how to hold a bat and you challenged Mikhail for a cricket match. Silly, uncle! Remember the time when you brought a bowling ball when I told you we didn’t have balls for practices? Hahaha! It was hilarious. It’s time you admit it, Uncle, you suck at cricket! Thank God we had all those Muji kids on our side; you know Mikhail’s team was on fire.

He would have totally crushed us! Those Muji Kids, I tell you. Man they were good! They didn’t even know all the rules, and they still managed to beat the crap out of Mikhail’s team. Poor Mikhail! I bet he never saw that coming. He was such a bully! He took their practice ground after his team won the match against the Mujis. But, you know, cricket is unpredictable. One wrong stroke and you are out of the game! And besides, after all the equipments you gave and all the awesome strokes I taught the Mujis, there was no way Mikhail could have won. Aah, good old days! You used to be so generous and understanding, Uncle. You even left Mujis all the stuff you brought. And here you are, Uncle, after all the things I did for you, acting like we never met.

What? What did you say? You think we are still friends? Is that why you RC Planed Hakimullah? I mean, I know he sent Shehzad to Time Square and everything, but that was 4 years ago. 4 FREAKING YEARS AGO! And you still aren’t over it. He was the head of The God’s Student Movement of Pakistan. 40,000 civilian casualties, Uncle, 40,000! And I still didn’t care. Couldn’t you just grow up for once and let this one go? Didn’t you know how upset he was with you? He tagged you. Don’t you check your twitter anymore?

@IlovejbAK47: Upset. You are a #bully @UncleSam

@FreeKashmir: @ilovejbAK47 Wassup, Yo! #needmoreloan #IMF

@IlovejbAK47: @FreeKashmir go away you #hypocrite. @UncleSam

@petrodollar: @IlovejbAK47 did you get the money? @FreeKashmir @UncleSam

@petrodollar: @UncleSam oops! I didn’t see you were tagged too. Oh! I forgot. We weren’t #BFFs anymore.

@FreeKashmir: @IlovejbAK47 What did I do? Looks like you’re upset. Wanna talk about it? #needmoreloan #IMF

@FreeKashmir: @IlovejbAK47 Hake bro? #needmoreloan #IMF

@FreeKashmir: @IlovejbAK47 You there? #needmoreloan #IMF

Baits broke my The King’s Speech DVD, you RC Planed him, I didn’t say a word. Wali broke your S.H.I.E.L.D Agents action figures, you RC Planed him, I didn’t care. I ignored how close you were getting to Singh. But this! This is just too much.

I hate you, Uncle Sam. This is it. We are done. This is my last letter to you. No more strategic depth, no more borrowing cricket players. Bye forever.

With Love,

Your Pakistani Counterpart

September 26, 2014

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